(Co-authored by Avery Hennigar, Emily King, Zac Bears, and Marie MacCune)

1. When Mom misses your old friends more than you do:

Mom: Why hasn’t (insert name of high school friend you haven’t spoken to since move-in day freshman year) been over lately?

You: Um… we’ve just been really busy, you know.

Mom: Well, you should invite her over with the rest of the old gang for a slumber party.

You: Sure, I’ll text them right now (You say as you delete the contact so she can’t call them herself).

2. When global warming isn't real:

Uncle: Global warming isn’t a thing; it's 20 degrees outside and the polar vortex is going to freeze us all!

You: …

3. When Dad gets a new phone:

Dad: How do I send an email on this thing?

You: Go to the “Mail” app and click the new post button.

Dad: Not a letter, an email. I need to remind your sister to get the cranberry sauce.

You: Do you mean a text?

4. When someone asks about your major:

Grandma: Public health, huh. What is that?

You: Here's a link to a post I wrote about it! But public health encompasses health prevention, health promotion, and creating healthy communities.

Grandma: “That’s nice. Now don’t go getting liberal out there at the University of Mass.”

5. When someone asks you to do the dishes:

Dad: Since you haven’t been home in a while and I have been doing them everyday for your entire life, you should really do the dishes.

You: I loathe doing dishes… Why do we have to have gender roles? ALSO, why do you insist that I do them by hand when there is a perfectly good dishwasher that we never use?

6. When someone mentions Emperor Obama:

Sister: Don’t tell anyone that I voted for Obama.

You:  I would never.


Uncle: That dictator Obama just made 40 million illegals into citizens. I hope no one at this table voted for him!

Sister: Well... good thing I voted Green-Rainbow.

7. When someone asks about your “plans” post-graduation:

Aunt: So what are you going to do when you graduate this spring?

You: I’m probably going to apply to a few full-time jobs where I can make a difference.

Aunt: Are you going to live with your parents?

You: Absolutely not.

8. When you are eternally single:

Mother: So, have you been talking to anyone lately?

You: Do you mean, do I have boyfriend? The answer is no. The answer is always no.

Mother: …

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