1. When Mom misses your old friends more than you do:
Mom: Why hasn’t (insert name of high school friend you haven’t spoken to since move-in day freshman year) been over lately?
You: Um… we’ve just been really busy, you know.
Mom: Well, you should invite her over with the rest of the old gang for a slumber party.
You: Sure, I’ll text them right now (You say as you delete the contact so she can’t call them herself).
2. When global warming isn't real:
Uncle: Global warming isn’t a thing; it's 20 degrees outside and the polar vortex is going to freeze us all!
3. When Dad gets a new phone:
Dad: How do I send an email on this thing?
You: Go to the “Mail” app and click the new post button.
Dad: Not a letter, an email. I need to remind your sister to get the cranberry sauce.
You: Do you mean a text?
4. When someone asks about your major:
Grandma: Public health, huh. What is that?
You: Here's a link to a post I wrote about it! But public health encompasses health prevention, health promotion, and creating healthy communities.
Grandma: “That’s nice. Now don’t go getting liberal out there at the University of Mass.”
5. When someone asks you to do the dishes:
Dad: Since you haven’t been home in a while and I have been doing them everyday for your entire life, you should really do the dishes.
You: I loathe doing dishes… Why do we have to have gender roles? ALSO, why do you insist that I do them by hand when there is a perfectly good dishwasher that we never use?
6. When someone mentions Emperor Obama:
Sister: Don’t tell anyone that I voted for Obama.
You: I would never.
Uncle: That dictator Obama just made 40 million illegals into citizens. I hope no one at this table voted for him!
Sister: Well... good thing I voted Green-Rainbow.
7. When someone asks about your “plans” post-graduation:
Aunt: So what are you going to do when you graduate this spring?
You: I’m probably going to apply to a few full-time jobs where I can make a difference.
Aunt: Are you going to live with your parents?
You: Absolutely not.
8. When you are eternally single:
Mother: So, have you been talking to anyone lately?
You: Do you mean, do I have boyfriend? The answer is no. The answer is always no.