Blog Column: 

As you may have noticed, climate change has decided to drop by for a visit and screw with everyone.

Last week, we were waking to temperatures in the 50s, gliding mists vanishing like ghosts in the morning light. By lunch time, we were looking at 72 degrees and folks taking out their frisbees and crop-tops.

This week decided that it’s going to stick with a theme and that is “Mid September,” a.k.a. “Unpleasant.”

Personally, I rather enjoy the rain, especially when it’s this warm. It feels … cleansing. Invigorating, even.

What neither I nor anyone else I know likes, however, is the persistent heat and humidity.

It’s late October and we’re dripping with sweat as we trudge between classes. As someone on the infamous interwebs wrote, “It’s like Trump said, ‘Global warming isn’t real,’ and Climate Change said, ‘Hold my beer.’”

The point of all of this is two-fold:

  1. Climate change is real and no amount of denial and wishful thinking will change that. I mean, seriously, what on earth makes a mob of random people in one weirdo country more qualified to judge this than the vast majority of first-world scientists and governments across the whole planet?
  2. When you come to UMass, you’d better come prepared.

I thus have compiled a brief list of suggestions for you to bring to school, just so that you’re ready for whatever Mother Nature and Annoying Cousin Pollution decide to throw at you. As my parents and the Boy Scouts drilled into my head, be prepared!

  • Umbrella
  • Rain Coat (ror when it’s cold and you don’t want to carry the umbrella around)
  • Water Proof Snow Boots (warm and hold well in slippery situations)
  • Lighter/Matches (so you can start a fire)
  • Basic Tool Kit (to build an altar for your fire)
  • A Young Calf (to sacrifice in the fire while praying for fair weather)

When the weather starts to look REALLY bad, add these to your list:

  • A Young Virgin (to add to the fire)
  • The Nearest Freshman (if you cannot find a virgin)
  • “The Zombie Survival Guide” by Max Brooks (for when society collapses, and bedtime reading)
  • Whatever “The Zombie Survival Guide” Suggests (things are gonna get hairy)

Well, I hope that you all manage to stay dry and safe out there! Enjoy the good weather while it lasts and buckle up for the nastier stuff. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to start digging a bunker.

Song of the Week: Some light tunes to help you get through your day and prepare for the worst! Enjoy!

[Parental Advisory: Swearing]

 

 

 

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